Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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