She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
