dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
