I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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