If i come over, it means nothing
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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