Already got asked if we're dating
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize