yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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