Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
