We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My bed smells like the plague
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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