we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
