No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
