I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
