We're facebook friends in real life
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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