Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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