What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
