Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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