Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
