i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
