Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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