Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
