It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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