Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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