Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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