Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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