Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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