did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
