...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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