Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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