sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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