Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
