I CAN MOONWALK!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
