so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
