Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
