shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
