Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
