i love accidental penises.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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