he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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