Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
