Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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