I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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