whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
