You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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