just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
