I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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