he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Operation Purity has been aborted
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
