I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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