Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
