i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
