OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?