We're facebook friends in real life
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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