U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.