I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.