i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
