the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.