I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.