I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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