yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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