Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
