So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
