Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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