The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
