you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
