she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
