You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
