hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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