I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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