I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
