Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
