Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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