I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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