After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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