Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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