1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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