Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Randomize
