Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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