my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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