i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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