i think my mom watched the whole time
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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