guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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