I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
