you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am one with the molecules
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
