Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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