You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
