God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
