I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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