This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
