i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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