dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
