a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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